I have discovered something interesting about myself at college. I think I always knew this about myself to a certain degree, but now that I’m more or less living on my own, I can see it so much more clearly, and it has been something that I am actively trying to adjust to.
I am a rabid overthinker.
Lately, there has been a fair number of things going on that have been stressful. I have to give a speech in one of my classes in a few days, we have to figure out what classes we’ll be taking next semester, auditions for some of my activities are coming up in a couple weeks, and I’m trying to figure out where, when, and if I want to study abroad during college.
Any one of these things on their own would have been completely manageable, but due to the fact that I overthink and over plan everything, it has been a very stressful week. I worry that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to or that I’m going to make the wrong decisions and regret the choices I made. I feel like I have to have everything figured out right now.
I know that part of the reason why studying abroad has been worrying me so much lately is that I just don’t know exactly what I want to do. I have thought about going away for a whole semester, or maybe just over the summer, or maybe I don’t want to study abroad. Maybe I just want to travel, either through service trips or by planning my own trips. Part of my anxiety comes from not knowing what I want to do.
Every once in a while, it helps me to take a step back and evaluate what I do know. I do know that I want to travel and see other parts of the world. I know that in the long run, it isn’t where I’m going or how long I’ll be there that will matter, it’s just the experience that I will treasure.
Even with the other things that are worrying me, I have to hold onto what I know. I know I will get through my speech just fine; I know I will do my best at auditions, and I know that I will find classes that I will enjoy. I know that everything will work out just fine, and that things will happen as they are supposed to.
It can be hard to focus on these things when most of my instincts tell me to keep searching, planning, and working until I know everything that I want to do down to every last detail. But logically, I know this is impossible, and would only stress me out in the process. The best thing that I can do is to focus on what I know and what I want, and do my best to stay true to those things. In the end, I have to leave all the rest up to fate and trust that I will make the best of any situation I find myself in.
The hardest part about any situation for me is always the uncertainty. I like to be sure of the situation that I’m in and feel sure about the choices that I’m making, and sometimes that just isn’t possible. It’s hard to give up some control and try to roll with the options I’m presented with. But, I’m also discovering, sometimes being flexible is the best thing to do. There’s nothing wrong with pursuing what you want, but when you don’t know what you want, just try to be open to whatever paths fall at your feet. See you next time!